So, I said I wouldn't get on the scale before Thursday. I lied, and then I stepped on the scale anyway. It's like an addiction. I just can't help myself. Perhaps it would be better to embrace it than avoid it? I don't know. I feel like I often use the scale as a punishment. E.g., I know I've not "done well" this week in that I've not eated perfectly. But I have written things down and been more thoughtful. But it's like the scale is my test of how shitty I'm doing. Self-sabotage?
I knew I wasn't going to be perfect. I wanted to try and get into the swing of writing things down and thinking about what I'm eating, so that after the craziness of the semester ending and the holiday travel that I'll be able to launch into it. This is like my prep to being 100% on. Ideally I'd love to be 100% on now, but I know my life for the next couple of weeks and it ain't easy. I'm already behind at work because of sick days but am pretty much booked through vacation. So I'm trying not to schedule January so that I can play catch up.
Crossed fingers on the catch up... Though I just sojurned from typing to put "saved" days in my calendar. I'm pledging that next year will be less work-crazy so that I can lead a "normal life"... No more booking myself 13 & 14-hour long shifts. Especially multiple days in a row. I may try a 10-6pm general schedule so that I can work out in the morning. I ran tonight- mainly because I also ate cookies today and then stepped on the scale. Still 191. At least I'm not up. My partner and I drank 2 bottles of wine over 2 nights this week. Crazy. We're living up our free time together.
Anyhow- had a shitty trip to the H&M. Nothing fit. Which was good for my wallet (that is empty thanks to the good ol' DOE grad school loan repayments). Really, how do they expect you to ever pay off an MSW or MPH? You get paid crap for a salary.
Argh. Argh. Argh. Just feel tense tonight. Well... that means I should run more I guess. Not tonight, but tomorrow morning to work out this adrenaline.
Later.
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