Monday, July 9, 2012

The beauty of doing the thing that makes you break a little...

I cried at the end of my first ever spin class today. Call it adrenaline Call it relief. Call it letting everything inside move out through my legs and arms for 45 minutes to thankfully-louder-than-my-thoughts pop-rock Call it release.

I truly believe that my journey to this spin class has taken me my whole adult life. Because, whereas in the past I've pushed myself to workout, to run, to lift because I wanted to be something else (thinner, fitter, stronger, more successful, envied, looked up to...) today I took this class because I wanted to experience something new. To experience myself. To believe in myself. And, perhaps, to love myself a little more.

Currently, I'm not the fittest I've ever been. Nor the strongest. Nor the most successful. That is, if we're judging those attributes by weight or body mass or muscle. Today, in spin class, I redefined those words if only for 45 minutes.

Fit is being healthy with myself: holding a healthy view of my needs, wants, fears, capabilities, and joys.
Strength is believing in myself: listening to my voice and, sometimes, giving in and letting go.
Successful is in living: loving myself, trusting myself, being.

So, I cried in spin class today. I loved every damn moment of those 45-minutes- including the tears. And, after, I went up to the instructor and thanked her; with tears in my eyes, the biggest smile on my face, and peace running through mind and body. Beautiful.