Today was a day of wins and losses.
Win: I woke up feeling sexy and smiley.
Win: I eat a healthy breakfast and had a snack midmorning
Win: I worked out for 45 minutes at the gym on the elliptical and ski machine.
Win: I still felt sexy and smiley in the early afternoon.
Loss: I didn't pack any protein for lunch, so got tired and head-achey in the late afternoon.
Win: I bought super easy to cook, healthy food at Trader Joe's.
Loss: I also bought lentil chips, which I opened in the car as I was hungry.
Loss: I had a feelings reaction that I held in, which made me want to drink a second glass of wine.
Win: I didn't open the bottle or pour the second glass.
Loss: I ate too much garlic bread instead. (It wasn't even that yummy)
Win: I came to bed and wrote in my feelings journal as much as I could stand.
Win: And then I decided to write this post to put the food/health part of my day in perspective.
Win: Now I don't feel like the day was a total loss.
That's a much better perspective.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
I get the most worried when I binge without knowing why. When I binge sober. When I binge alone, in bed, and feel empty after. I worry most when my stomach is not distended and I could reach for another round. When I'm tired but fighting sleep. When I don't want to vomit. When I want to vomit. When I don't cry, can't cry, or don't want to cry. I worry most when I don't know how I'm going to get the title "recovering bulimic" back. When it feels overwhelming to create a plan. When I give up and give in. I worry most those nights.