Worry

I get the most worried when I binge without knowing why. When I binge sober. When I binge alone, in bed, and feel empty after. I worry most when my stomach is not distended and I could reach for another round. When I'm tired but fighting sleep. When I don't want to vomit. When I want to vomit. When I don't cry, can't  cry, or don't want to cry. I worry most when I don't know how I'm going to get the title "recovering bulimic" back. When it feels overwhelming to create a plan. When I give up and give in. I worry most those nights.