Weekends

Weekends throughout my young adult life have traditionally been marked by two nights & days of no-holes-barred behavior. It's the time of the week when I get to kick back and do all those things I can't get to during the work week- like napping, or hiking, taking my dog to the snowy arboretum (which we did today for a lovely walk off-leash), or shopping (when I have cash or an insatiable desire to burn dollars on credit).

All of these things aren't too bad for you (okay, shopping on credit is quesitonable)...but my no-holes-barred attitude on weekends also extends to food and drink. Yup. You guessed it- I'm a weekend binge-monger. It's the time of the week for nachos and beer at the local pub with a group of friends. For warm home-baked muffins, right out of the oven on a Sunday morning. It's glasses of red wine with cheese and crackers while cooking on a Saturday night. Splurging on a Starbucks grande non-fat mocha.

I had a no-holes-barred night last night. Red wine flowed freely from the bottle to the glass and from the glass to my lips. Glass after glass. I dined on uncontrolled portions of penne with shrimp in a white/wine tomato-heavy cream sauce. Followed up with chocolates (4 Hershey kisses, 1 Ferrero Rocher) and a caramel brownie bowl. I was uncontrollable.

In retrospect, it was a lot of calories, but not as terrible of a day as I used to have. But in the middle of it, I acted, ate, and drank with abandon. I felt like bingeing. I did binge. And I didn't try to record or think about WW or points (until this morning when I did go back and count everything. I know, I'm an overachiever by nature. I feel guilty when a task is incomplete or just shoddy work, and that includes WW journaling).

So what was it about last night? That I was at the end of my monthly menstrual-hell and craving all those sweet, salty, and alcoholic "bad" things? That I was falling into old weekender habits? That I was pretending to be "normal" and not a WW follower?

I don't know the reasoning for the behavior, but I do know that this morning my internal reaction to thinking about my Friday night foodmongering was, "Fuck." PAUSE. "I have 3 days until weigh-in." PAUSE. Groan. "Fuck."

And so today I've been on-target. But I'm still wondering- how am I going to enjoy my Saturday night without going over points? How will I feel like I'm living and taking advantage of my weekend if I can't eat and drink what I want? How will I relax?

Crazy? Well, it's my crazy-normal life right now. And how I anticipate it'll be for a while- at least while I kick these pounds and this program.