Decisions

I was supposed to go to NH today.

Well, technically I was supposed to go to RI today.

Our nephew is playing lacrosse this weekend. My wife thought he was playing at home in RI (45 mins away from Boston) at 4pm today. In reality, he was playing away in NH (2 hours away form Boston) at 2pm today. A calendar snafu that led to changed plans today.

I spent half the night awake with a pooping dog (Bryce has diarrhea again). Deprived of sleep and feeling cranky, I realized that I had no desire to make a 4-hour round trip for a 90minute lacrosse game. [Especially as last week we did a 24-hour turnaround to Long Island and back and next weekend we are considering a trip to Maine, and then I leave for Georgia to take care of Dad]

So I made a decision to stay at home. But then, I balked and started to panic. "but Heather told Luc we were coming." "It's more important to see his game." "I just need to keep moving and get over myself." I almost talked myself out of it- putting guilt and family above my self.

And then I realized- I truly don't have to do this. I can stay at home and honor myself. That my first instinct toward self care is not wrong and not going doesn't make me "less of" an aunt.

So I've stayed at home this afternoon and it's been fantastic. By this point, Heather and Hannah are over halfway through watching the game. In the time they've driven up there and been watching, I've played with Bryce, done two loads of laundry, taken a 35 minute jog, played more with the dog, listened to "Wait. Wait. Don't tell me," and eaten lunch. And now I'm blogging. Next, I'm going to bake cheese scones and then watch a little television.

On a side note, this week I've been exercising more regularly and loving it. I've been holding off for the past few weeks because I've read that hard exercise irritates your gastric system. As I'm struggling with stomach pain and reflux (now going on for nearly a month) and am waiting for more testing and diagnosis, I realized that it can't get much worse. I feel like crap. I'm achey. I can't eat or drink the things I like. And I'm tired. Why the hell not exercise.

And every time I have exercised [Two runs, a good walk, and aerobics so far this week; indoor biking tomorrow and kickboxing on Monday] I've felt amazing afterwards. It's been a little hairy at the beginning of each session, my stomach gurgling and protesting until I hit my happy zone (my version of the runner's high) when everything becomes focused on how my legs are moving and my heart is pumping and my muscles are contracting. At that point, everything breaks and my tummy pain recedes. And, even better, so far this week exercise has had lasting effects for a few hours. And that, dear readers, is the best medicine I could ask for. Pain relief AND satisfaction with my efforts. Awesome.

So, now I've 2 hours (at least) before they get home and I'm going to bake and sing before resting. All told, I'm relaxing and rejuvenating.

Here's to you doing the same.

The sugar effect

Felt better tummy wise today and so fell into a couple of vices... including a small cup of decaf and a couple pieces of chocolate this afternoon and a cupcake this evening. This was my first sugared with chocolate day In a couple of weeks and it was underwhelming. Sure the sweets were fine when eating them but my morning run felt better. And while my belly survived I feel headachey and bloated. Not worth it.

Take home message: sugar isn't always sweet.

Waiting for the pain

So the last three weeks have been a hell ride of gastric bloating, lost  appetite, nausea and acid. It came out of nowhere and we're still not sure what's going on. Eating causes pain and bloating. Not eating causes bloating and nausea.  Exercise irritates all of it. I've cut out all coffee and alcohol and most chocolate and tomatoes.

Medicine is keeping it at bay but I feel that's NOT the solution...just a fixer. I've lost 8lbs in the past 2 weeks which I'm not excited about (long time since weight loss has not ben an auto great thing). I'd like to figure out the underpinning cause. Headed for a GI series soon...so we'll
see what comes of it.

Until then I'm going to continue the positive changes in diet but change my attitude and some other behaviors...so far I've been living in fear of setting off the pain within my gastric system and so avoiding exercise. But tonight I  worked out for an hour. It was hard work through some ugliness for the first 20 mins but then something broke and all that was important was me- moving.

So tomorrow I'm going for a run in the morning and while I know that the pain might hit me, I'm sure as hell not going to wait for it. Maybe I'll even leave it in the dust...