Well, I'm officially bustin' though it; 1.6lbs off this week. That's 32lbs total since Jan 2009, 84.6total since Jan 2005. I have officially lost a small child's worth of weight. How big do 5th + 6th graders get these days? I think I've lost me a 6th grader.
Before I get into the self-love, me-me-me land babble, let me say Yum! I'm dessert-ing on a WW Chocolate Fudge Brownie premium ice cream cup. 2pts of pure heaven. I don't know what chemicals they use to get this stuff to taste so good and, really, I don't care. It's fantastic. If you're ever PMS-ing for something sweet and are on WW, pick up a pack (or two) of this ice-cream (there's also chocolate chip cookie dough and mint chip to enjoy).
So, back to self-lovin'. I'm not embarrassed to admit that I gave myself a praise-talk on the way home in the car from WW tonight. To clarify, I missed my regular Monday meeting so picked up a Tuesday closer to work, and I met my Leader, Arlene's, leader, Sherry. Fancy that. I still love Arlene- she's brilliant. But, Sherry is simply lovely. So it's 6:15pm and I'm stuck in traffic and realising that I've lost a small child and that while it's taken over 4 years (and I'm still going), I am a WW rockstar. Really. I started this program first as a child. I continued as a teen. And then as a young adult. And this is the first damn time, these past 4 years, that I've done it right. It's not a race. It's a journey. It's about enjoying life and myself and, while I do get stressed about the journey at times (especially the weigh-ins), I am making WW about me for the first time.
See, it's always been about the food. How much I could eat of it. How much I could get away with. Or hide. Or how restricted I was from it. Or how hard I was working for it. But, it's about more than that now. It is definitely about food; portion control, healthy choices, nutrition. But, when I dig down deep now, it's not just about the food and my (in)ability to control it. It's about me. It's about running. And hiking. And eating chocolate (or WW chocolate ice cream cups!). It's about enjoying a glass of wine as much as I enjoy walking my dog. Not more than. It's about challenging myself to test fitness limits. It's about getting a runner's high (yes, it's happening!). It's about being honest with myself. It's about looking in the mirror on "fat days" and reminding myself that I'm beautiful. It's about learning to love these stretch marks. And curves. And muscles. And bumps. It's about balancing my work life out with writing. It's about leaving the office at lunch for a run. It's about saying no to those things that take away from me. It's saying yes to me.
Yes. To. Me.
And because I'm finally learning this, I spent 2 minutes taping myself on my Blackberry voice notes recorder. No. Not crazy. Because I know that there are hard days. That there are depressed days. That there are second-guess myself days. That at some point I'll forget how far I've come for a moment, or hour, and that I might need reminded. And, I know that while praise form family and friends lifts me up and sustains me, I have to be the loudest voice praising myself. So I taped myself and labeled the note "I rock". So when I'm having that bad day I'll be able to hear myself, saying to myself, "You are f'ing amazing. I am so proud of you. I am proud of me."
And that, my friends, is the biggest gift I've given myself (apart from losing that 6th grader) for a long, long time.
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