Tuesday, September 1, 2009
An addendum
I also did weigh in and lose .6lbs last night. So, I'm at 168lbs. See why an 8lb loss would be a nice round number for the Lose For Good campaign?!
How bad do I want it?
That's a darned good question. One I've been working through in my head all night. Apparently I don't want it badly enough to get up and run at 5:30am. This morning when my alarm went off at 5:20am I groaned, viewed the way-too-early-in-the-a.m. darkness, and hid under my pillow until 6:40am. Read: no morning workout.
I planned for the Tuesday a.m. workout on Monday. I stayed late at work Monday night so I could go in later this morning. I imagined a 6:45am wake-up, 7am run, 7:35am dog walk, shoer, breakfast, go. What happened? We received an emergency water pipe replacement notice last night when we arrived home at 8:30pm. No water running on 9/1 (today) between 7am-7pm. All showers must be complete by 7am. Well damn. Hence my lame attempt to rise at 5:30am while knowing I hate early morning exercise. Really, I'm no good at regular mornings.
So now I must leave work early enough to run before the first dinner date of the week (to which I'll have to go to sweaty). I'll take my gear to work, which will help and stop in JP on the way home to run around the lake. Good plan. The dog has the dog park today so I'm not as stressed about her getting a walk this evening- we'll play soccer instead.
With that conundrum solved, back to the first question. How bad do I want it? I want to hit goal. Which, we know I'm not sure the number of as yet. 150? 160? Whatever. Though it's tricky to drive toward nothing. But, I do want it. I want this to be the end to my WW losing career. I want to fit into my HOT wedding dress a little better. I want to lose 100lbs from my 248.6lb beginnings. I want to stop paying $40/month for meetings. I want my goal eight and maintenance key ring charms darn it.
So in the next 7 weeks, despite the most intense work and social schedules I've had in a while (read at least 2 BBQs, out-of-town friend dinner, a NYC trip, and long work days) I want to make a significant loss for the Lose For Good campaign. I'd like to hit an 8lb loss, my wise wise partner is encouraging me to shoot for 5lbs. So, the goal is a definite 5lbs off- 8lbs and I'll be ecstatic!
Now to pack for work-running gear, food, water. Go!
I planned for the Tuesday a.m. workout on Monday. I stayed late at work Monday night so I could go in later this morning. I imagined a 6:45am wake-up, 7am run, 7:35am dog walk, shoer, breakfast, go. What happened? We received an emergency water pipe replacement notice last night when we arrived home at 8:30pm. No water running on 9/1 (today) between 7am-7pm. All showers must be complete by 7am. Well damn. Hence my lame attempt to rise at 5:30am while knowing I hate early morning exercise. Really, I'm no good at regular mornings.
So now I must leave work early enough to run before the first dinner date of the week (to which I'll have to go to sweaty). I'll take my gear to work, which will help and stop in JP on the way home to run around the lake. Good plan. The dog has the dog park today so I'm not as stressed about her getting a walk this evening- we'll play soccer instead.
With that conundrum solved, back to the first question. How bad do I want it? I want to hit goal. Which, we know I'm not sure the number of as yet. 150? 160? Whatever. Though it's tricky to drive toward nothing. But, I do want it. I want this to be the end to my WW losing career. I want to fit into my HOT wedding dress a little better. I want to lose 100lbs from my 248.6lb beginnings. I want to stop paying $40/month for meetings. I want my goal eight and maintenance key ring charms darn it.
So in the next 7 weeks, despite the most intense work and social schedules I've had in a while (read at least 2 BBQs, out-of-town friend dinner, a NYC trip, and long work days) I want to make a significant loss for the Lose For Good campaign. I'd like to hit an 8lb loss, my wise wise partner is encouraging me to shoot for 5lbs. So, the goal is a definite 5lbs off- 8lbs and I'll be ecstatic!
Now to pack for work-running gear, food, water. Go!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Me= no good at time management
That statement is not completely true. I'm great a time management in my job. Just no good at "me" management. Perhaps this is what this blog is about- a lesson in fallibility. And I am nothing if not fallible.
On the weight front I'm doing well. I'm now 168.6lbs, 27.4lbs lighter than when I recommitted to WW in January and 80lbs lighter when I weighed in January 2005 at 248.6lbs. 80lbs- that's a journey.
The longer I do this and the easier it becomes to maintain rather than lose, I question where this journey is going to end. My impulse is to ask myself, "What should my goal weight be?" But, as I recently read in WW magazine, "shoulds" often lead to self-blame and stress. I'm familiar with that pattern.
At my job: "I should work a 60-hour week...and like it" or "I should do this requested training- even though it's on my only weekend off" or "I shouldn't barter for a 4-day work week even though I'm not getting paid the work I do"
At home: "I should clean the dishes before bed. Even though I cooked dinner...which my roommate enjoyed but hasn't lifted a finger for days to clean-up" or "I should take the dog out now, but I have to work on my bills and balance my chequebook. And it's already 9pm (because I left work late again)"
With WW: "I should go for a run. I have a headache and haven't eaten, but I should" or "I shouldn't eat this brownie. I've exercised and have weekly points left, but really if I were a better person I wouldn't."
Yes. Stress. And a negative Nellie outlook. A co-worker commented yesterday on my sun-kissed smiles and laughter at work. "I like this laughter. I loved the way you were right before your vacation. Happy and funny." Subtext: usually I'm not smiling and laughing at work. Case in point: today. I tried to stick my ground and not add to my already 10-hour Wednesday and 13-hour Thursday schedule this week. A contracted evaluator wanted to set up a "last minute" meeting for this week or next (I'm booked through September already). I've had multiple conversations with this evaluator's boss that I can't do last minute, but that's beside the point. I tried to compromise and threw out times...she didn't bite. And just as I was about to give up my day-off, she caved.
And I felt like a bitch. Because I hadn't caved. I should've caved. I should've realised how hard her job was and changed around all my meetings to fit her schedule. I should not have gotten pissed off. I should not have let my employee see me negatively standing my ground. Aka- being queen "my schedule is worse than yours."
This caused me naught but stress and anxiety for at least two hours. And shame. And guilt. I felt my body change: my heartbeat quickened, my face flushed. I wanted to scream. Then cry. And it made me think about weight loss.
I was standing my ground to protect my already overbooked schedule and preserve my sanity. I was working on compromise but was protective of my little "me time". My "me time" is set-up to help with this work-life balance piece. The piece that recognizes that I am important and need time to sleep, or blog, or make-out with my fiancee. The piece that needs time to grocery shop and read a book. Write creatively. Write- period. Listen to music. Get away. The piece of time where I get to relax. Forget work. Lessen stress.
And in trying to protect this time I increased my stress load for the day. Research indicates that stress is linked to increased cortisol production and higher incidence of weight gain. And with weight gain comes negative health outcomes. Whether I understand the research, I know that with stress comes a need to de-stress and to a recovering bulimic that often equals food. Or, on a good day, exercise. But the bad days, the food-bingeing days, lead to weight gain. And that leads to more stress, to food, to weight gain, etc. I have more "okay let's exercise to reduce this stress" days. Hell, this June, I trained an competed in a 7.5miler (and was a solid finisher in the pack). But still, stress is there. And sometimes it's connected to chocolate or chips n' salsa. So, is my job making me fat?
Well no. I'm losing weight. But it's not making it easier. And, most of all, my work "shoulds" and stresses are making me think more deeply about this weight goal question.
The article I read suggested that if we replace the "should" with "want"or "need" then stress levels and self-blame decrease. "I want my goal weight to be...." or "I need my goal weight to be..." According to WW, my goal weight needs to be under 150lbs. That's been my lowest adult weight- reached only in high school after months of fasting and exercising. I was a size 6-8 and looked hot. I don't want to be that person again. This "need" still feels a little stressful. But does that mean I don't want to be that weight again?
I want a weight that's easy to maintain. That I'm proud of. That I feel sexy at. I don't want to stress about weight maintenance. I want to enjoy food and drink like the foodie I am. And still be healthy. I want to end this journey. I want to be successful. I want to look hot on my wedding day next May- and be able to breathe in that corset. I want to wear a size medium in Victoria's Secret bikini panties.
So what goal weight do I want to be? I don't know yet- at least not the number. But perhaps when I start to wonder about the "shoulds" and even the "needs" to be regarding a goal weight, I can revisit these wants to gain perspective. My goal weight may end up being 150lbs...or not. I guess we'll see along the way.
On the weight front I'm doing well. I'm now 168.6lbs, 27.4lbs lighter than when I recommitted to WW in January and 80lbs lighter when I weighed in January 2005 at 248.6lbs. 80lbs- that's a journey.
The longer I do this and the easier it becomes to maintain rather than lose, I question where this journey is going to end. My impulse is to ask myself, "What should my goal weight be?" But, as I recently read in WW magazine, "shoulds" often lead to self-blame and stress. I'm familiar with that pattern.
At my job: "I should work a 60-hour week...and like it" or "I should do this requested training- even though it's on my only weekend off" or "I shouldn't barter for a 4-day work week even though I'm not getting paid the work I do"
At home: "I should clean the dishes before bed. Even though I cooked dinner...which my roommate enjoyed but hasn't lifted a finger for days to clean-up" or "I should take the dog out now, but I have to work on my bills and balance my chequebook. And it's already 9pm (because I left work late again)"
With WW: "I should go for a run. I have a headache and haven't eaten, but I should" or "I shouldn't eat this brownie. I've exercised and have weekly points left, but really if I were a better person I wouldn't."
Yes. Stress. And a negative Nellie outlook. A co-worker commented yesterday on my sun-kissed smiles and laughter at work. "I like this laughter. I loved the way you were right before your vacation. Happy and funny." Subtext: usually I'm not smiling and laughing at work. Case in point: today. I tried to stick my ground and not add to my already 10-hour Wednesday and 13-hour Thursday schedule this week. A contracted evaluator wanted to set up a "last minute" meeting for this week or next (I'm booked through September already). I've had multiple conversations with this evaluator's boss that I can't do last minute, but that's beside the point. I tried to compromise and threw out times...she didn't bite. And just as I was about to give up my day-off, she caved.
And I felt like a bitch. Because I hadn't caved. I should've caved. I should've realised how hard her job was and changed around all my meetings to fit her schedule. I should not have gotten pissed off. I should not have let my employee see me negatively standing my ground. Aka- being queen "my schedule is worse than yours."
This caused me naught but stress and anxiety for at least two hours. And shame. And guilt. I felt my body change: my heartbeat quickened, my face flushed. I wanted to scream. Then cry. And it made me think about weight loss.
I was standing my ground to protect my already overbooked schedule and preserve my sanity. I was working on compromise but was protective of my little "me time". My "me time" is set-up to help with this work-life balance piece. The piece that recognizes that I am important and need time to sleep, or blog, or make-out with my fiancee. The piece that needs time to grocery shop and read a book. Write creatively. Write- period. Listen to music. Get away. The piece of time where I get to relax. Forget work. Lessen stress.
And in trying to protect this time I increased my stress load for the day. Research indicates that stress is linked to increased cortisol production and higher incidence of weight gain. And with weight gain comes negative health outcomes. Whether I understand the research, I know that with stress comes a need to de-stress and to a recovering bulimic that often equals food. Or, on a good day, exercise. But the bad days, the food-bingeing days, lead to weight gain. And that leads to more stress, to food, to weight gain, etc. I have more "okay let's exercise to reduce this stress" days. Hell, this June, I trained an competed in a 7.5miler (and was a solid finisher in the pack). But still, stress is there. And sometimes it's connected to chocolate or chips n' salsa. So, is my job making me fat?
Well no. I'm losing weight. But it's not making it easier. And, most of all, my work "shoulds" and stresses are making me think more deeply about this weight goal question.
The article I read suggested that if we replace the "should" with "want"or "need" then stress levels and self-blame decrease. "I want my goal weight to be...." or "I need my goal weight to be..." According to WW, my goal weight needs to be under 150lbs. That's been my lowest adult weight- reached only in high school after months of fasting and exercising. I was a size 6-8 and looked hot. I don't want to be that person again. This "need" still feels a little stressful. But does that mean I don't want to be that weight again?
I want a weight that's easy to maintain. That I'm proud of. That I feel sexy at. I don't want to stress about weight maintenance. I want to enjoy food and drink like the foodie I am. And still be healthy. I want to end this journey. I want to be successful. I want to look hot on my wedding day next May- and be able to breathe in that corset. I want to wear a size medium in Victoria's Secret bikini panties.
So what goal weight do I want to be? I don't know yet- at least not the number. But perhaps when I start to wonder about the "shoulds" and even the "needs" to be regarding a goal weight, I can revisit these wants to gain perspective. My goal weight may end up being 150lbs...or not. I guess we'll see along the way.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
It's a snowy sunday...
...and snowy Sundays lend themselves to a few must-do activities in my household:
1. shoveling
2. baking
3. cleaning the house
4. more shoveling
Sadly, snowy Sundays often lead to other activites, such as chasing my VERY naughty dog around the neighborhood as she romps in the snow, blatantly ignores and runs away from me, and almost commits suicide in front of numerous diligent Boston snow ploughs.
The not so great things that came out of the hell-dog chasing were:
1. numb fingers (I was gloveless and in PJ pants)
2. anger
3. taking that anger out on my dog
4. physically and verbally reincarnating my mum as I verbally laid into my dog and put her on her bed
5. did I mention lingering anger that's sat in my stomach all day (even through a super relaxing shower, sweeping and mopping all the floors, dishwashing, reading a book, and more sweeping)
In fact, the only decent thing that has come of that chasing escapade is that I burned off a few more points and so treated myself to a brunch of 1 whole wheat bluberry muffin AND 1 whole wheat raspberry muffin. And only for 8 points. Thankfully, I'd baked them before she decided to escape from my future sis-in-law.
And because they're so good and only 4 points each, I'm sharing the recipe (adapted from a recipe found at Michigan Live.com).
Berry Streusel Muffins (Makes 18 medium muffins)
Ingredients
For the muffins:
1/4 lb butter
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup dark brown sugar
2 tsp vanilla
2 1/2 cups whole wheat flour (sifted)
1tsp baking soda
1 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 cups light (or fat-free) sour cream
2 cups berries (I like to split the batter and make one batch with 1 cup frozen blueberries and one batch with 1 cup frozen raspberries)
For the streusel topping:
1/4 cup dark brown sugar
1/8 cup all-purpose flour
1 tbsp oats
1 tsp cinnamon
2 tbsp butter (softened)
Directions:
To make muffins:
1. Combine all ingredients (except sour cream and berries) in a large bowl. Use an electric mixer (or KitchenAide if you have one) to create a thick batter. Do not overmix.
2. Stir in sour cream with a wooden spoon.
3. If you are making a 1/2 blueberry and 1/2 raspberry recipe, divide the mixture into 2 separate bowls. Add in 1 cup berries to each bowl of batter.
4. Spoon 1 large dessert spoon of mix into muffin pans (either line pans with muffin cups or spray with non-stick cooking spray)
To make streusel topping:
1. Combine all ingredients in a bowl.
2. Mix with a pastry cutter or small whisk.
3. Top off each muffin with approx. 1 tsp of streusel.
Bake at 375degrees Farenheit for 20-25 minutes or until atoothpick inserted into muffin comes out clean.
Outcome: Each muffin =4-point YUMMY!
It's amazing how much writing calms me down. I feel my stomach anger-knot undoing as I type and you read this. Fantastic.
Back to scullery-maiding. Still have more dishes and countertops to do.
1. shoveling
2. baking
3. cleaning the house
4. more shoveling
Sadly, snowy Sundays often lead to other activites, such as chasing my VERY naughty dog around the neighborhood as she romps in the snow, blatantly ignores and runs away from me, and almost commits suicide in front of numerous diligent Boston snow ploughs.
The not so great things that came out of the hell-dog chasing were:
1. numb fingers (I was gloveless and in PJ pants)
2. anger
3. taking that anger out on my dog
4. physically and verbally reincarnating my mum as I verbally laid into my dog and put her on her bed
5. did I mention lingering anger that's sat in my stomach all day (even through a super relaxing shower, sweeping and mopping all the floors, dishwashing, reading a book, and more sweeping)
In fact, the only decent thing that has come of that chasing escapade is that I burned off a few more points and so treated myself to a brunch of 1 whole wheat bluberry muffin AND 1 whole wheat raspberry muffin. And only for 8 points. Thankfully, I'd baked them before she decided to escape from my future sis-in-law.
And because they're so good and only 4 points each, I'm sharing the recipe (adapted from a recipe found at Michigan Live.com).
Berry Streusel Muffins (Makes 18 medium muffins)
Ingredients
For the muffins:
1/4 lb butter
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup dark brown sugar
2 tsp vanilla
2 1/2 cups whole wheat flour (sifted)
1tsp baking soda
1 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 cups light (or fat-free) sour cream
2 cups berries (I like to split the batter and make one batch with 1 cup frozen blueberries and one batch with 1 cup frozen raspberries)
For the streusel topping:
1/4 cup dark brown sugar
1/8 cup all-purpose flour
1 tbsp oats
1 tsp cinnamon
2 tbsp butter (softened)
Directions:
To make muffins:
1. Combine all ingredients (except sour cream and berries) in a large bowl. Use an electric mixer (or KitchenAide if you have one) to create a thick batter. Do not overmix.
2. Stir in sour cream with a wooden spoon.
3. If you are making a 1/2 blueberry and 1/2 raspberry recipe, divide the mixture into 2 separate bowls. Add in 1 cup berries to each bowl of batter.
4. Spoon 1 large dessert spoon of mix into muffin pans (either line pans with muffin cups or spray with non-stick cooking spray)
To make streusel topping:
1. Combine all ingredients in a bowl.
2. Mix with a pastry cutter or small whisk.
3. Top off each muffin with approx. 1 tsp of streusel.
Bake at 375degrees Farenheit for 20-25 minutes or until atoothpick inserted into muffin comes out clean.
Outcome: Each muffin =4-point YUMMY!
It's amazing how much writing calms me down. I feel my stomach anger-knot undoing as I type and you read this. Fantastic.
Back to scullery-maiding. Still have more dishes and countertops to do.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Weekends
Weekends throughout my young adult life have traditionally been marked by two nights & days of no-holes-barred behavior. It's the time of the week when I get to kick back and do all those things I can't get to during the work week- like napping, or hiking, taking my dog to the snowy arboretum (which we did today for a lovely walk off-leash), or shopping (when I have cash or an insatiable desire to burn dollars on credit).
All of these things aren't too bad for you (okay, shopping on credit is quesitonable)...but my no-holes-barred attitude on weekends also extends to food and drink. Yup. You guessed it- I'm a weekend binge-monger. It's the time of the week for nachos and beer at the local pub with a group of friends. For warm home-baked muffins, right out of the oven on a Sunday morning. It's glasses of red wine with cheese and crackers while cooking on a Saturday night. Splurging on a Starbucks grande non-fat mocha.
I had a no-holes-barred night last night. Red wine flowed freely from the bottle to the glass and from the glass to my lips. Glass after glass. I dined on uncontrolled portions of penne with shrimp in a white/wine tomato-heavy cream sauce. Followed up with chocolates (4 Hershey kisses, 1 Ferrero Rocher) and a caramel brownie bowl. I was uncontrollable.
In retrospect, it was a lot of calories, but not as terrible of a day as I used to have. But in the middle of it, I acted, ate, and drank with abandon. I felt like bingeing. I did binge. And I didn't try to record or think about WW or points (until this morning when I did go back and count everything. I know, I'm an overachiever by nature. I feel guilty when a task is incomplete or just shoddy work, and that includes WW journaling).
So what was it about last night? That I was at the end of my monthly menstrual-hell and craving all those sweet, salty, and alcoholic "bad" things? That I was falling into old weekender habits? That I was pretending to be "normal" and not a WW follower?
I don't know the reasoning for the behavior, but I do know that this morning my internal reaction to thinking about my Friday night foodmongering was, "Fuck." PAUSE. "I have 3 days until weigh-in." PAUSE. Groan. "Fuck."
And so today I've been on-target. But I'm still wondering- how am I going to enjoy my Saturday night without going over points? How will I feel like I'm living and taking advantage of my weekend if I can't eat and drink what I want? How will I relax?
Crazy? Well, it's my crazy-normal life right now. And how I anticipate it'll be for a while- at least while I kick these pounds and this program.
All of these things aren't too bad for you (okay, shopping on credit is quesitonable)...but my no-holes-barred attitude on weekends also extends to food and drink. Yup. You guessed it- I'm a weekend binge-monger. It's the time of the week for nachos and beer at the local pub with a group of friends. For warm home-baked muffins, right out of the oven on a Sunday morning. It's glasses of red wine with cheese and crackers while cooking on a Saturday night. Splurging on a Starbucks grande non-fat mocha.
I had a no-holes-barred night last night. Red wine flowed freely from the bottle to the glass and from the glass to my lips. Glass after glass. I dined on uncontrolled portions of penne with shrimp in a white/wine tomato-heavy cream sauce. Followed up with chocolates (4 Hershey kisses, 1 Ferrero Rocher) and a caramel brownie bowl. I was uncontrollable.
In retrospect, it was a lot of calories, but not as terrible of a day as I used to have. But in the middle of it, I acted, ate, and drank with abandon. I felt like bingeing. I did binge. And I didn't try to record or think about WW or points (until this morning when I did go back and count everything. I know, I'm an overachiever by nature. I feel guilty when a task is incomplete or just shoddy work, and that includes WW journaling).
So what was it about last night? That I was at the end of my monthly menstrual-hell and craving all those sweet, salty, and alcoholic "bad" things? That I was falling into old weekender habits? That I was pretending to be "normal" and not a WW follower?
I don't know the reasoning for the behavior, but I do know that this morning my internal reaction to thinking about my Friday night foodmongering was, "Fuck." PAUSE. "I have 3 days until weigh-in." PAUSE. Groan. "Fuck."
And so today I've been on-target. But I'm still wondering- how am I going to enjoy my Saturday night without going over points? How will I feel like I'm living and taking advantage of my weekend if I can't eat and drink what I want? How will I relax?
Crazy? Well, it's my crazy-normal life right now. And how I anticipate it'll be for a while- at least while I kick these pounds and this program.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
First week weigh-in complete...
and 4lbs gone. Hurrah!
What was all that worrying for? Though I expect I'll feel similarly concerned and pressured for a few weeks to come until I get used to the rhythm of weigh-ins again. I got to share the trick that worked for me last week: lots of "macks" (meal-snacks, or small meal portions) dispersed throughout the day and using the hunger chart (at least for the first few days). Both kept me in tune with what my body needed rather than simply what my brain desired.
And, I told my mum I joined up, which was a big debate for me. We've had a long shaky history with weight and weight-loss together. Starting with WW when I was about 9 or 10 years old. I used to think she loved me more when I was thinner- now I wonder if she feels successful as a mother and so loves herself a little more when I'm thinner. Whatever the case, I sometimes feel a little pressure (that has led down the path to bulimia on more than one occasion before) when discussing body/health/weight with mum. But, I'm giving us both a chance and we've set up parameters to only check-in once a week about it. I don't like to hide things from her, so I hope this makes it less stressful for me on that front.
Then I wrapped up my evening by coming home to freshly-cooked Roasted Winter Vegetable Lasagne, a la my honey. I'd worked out points for it in the morning so was easily able to direct her in dishing me up a slice that I enjoyed with a glass of white wine and followed-up with decaf tea and a truffle. Yum!
Tonight is my first book club night- I already know that there'll be cookies and brownies. But, I'm going prepared with hummus and carrots, my dinner (Oaxaca Tortilla with Black Bean Stew, Salsa & Sour Cream- yummy!), and enough points for 1 Brownie or I have an emergency 1 point WW Dark Chocolate Raspberry bar with me if I need to use my brownie points later on today for a snack. And, I've worked out already so feel great- have decided that am workouts are the best (though most mornings I'll have to get up earlier than today as I don't usually start my work day this late).
Anyhow, need to do the dishes before work. Till later.
What was all that worrying for? Though I expect I'll feel similarly concerned and pressured for a few weeks to come until I get used to the rhythm of weigh-ins again. I got to share the trick that worked for me last week: lots of "macks" (meal-snacks, or small meal portions) dispersed throughout the day and using the hunger chart (at least for the first few days). Both kept me in tune with what my body needed rather than simply what my brain desired.
And, I told my mum I joined up, which was a big debate for me. We've had a long shaky history with weight and weight-loss together. Starting with WW when I was about 9 or 10 years old. I used to think she loved me more when I was thinner- now I wonder if she feels successful as a mother and so loves herself a little more when I'm thinner. Whatever the case, I sometimes feel a little pressure (that has led down the path to bulimia on more than one occasion before) when discussing body/health/weight with mum. But, I'm giving us both a chance and we've set up parameters to only check-in once a week about it. I don't like to hide things from her, so I hope this makes it less stressful for me on that front.
Then I wrapped up my evening by coming home to freshly-cooked Roasted Winter Vegetable Lasagne, a la my honey. I'd worked out points for it in the morning so was easily able to direct her in dishing me up a slice that I enjoyed with a glass of white wine and followed-up with decaf tea and a truffle. Yum!
Tonight is my first book club night- I already know that there'll be cookies and brownies. But, I'm going prepared with hummus and carrots, my dinner (Oaxaca Tortilla with Black Bean Stew, Salsa & Sour Cream- yummy!), and enough points for 1 Brownie or I have an emergency 1 point WW Dark Chocolate Raspberry bar with me if I need to use my brownie points later on today for a snack. And, I've worked out already so feel great- have decided that am workouts are the best (though most mornings I'll have to get up earlier than today as I don't usually start my work day this late).
Anyhow, need to do the dishes before work. Till later.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Holidays are certainly joyous
And I enjoyed my winter holiday (to Long Island, then Georgia, and topped off in New Hampshire) very much. Too much perhaps if we're talking about my waistline. I ate whatever I wanted, when I wanted it, and it resulted in a significant expansion of my waistline. Up to 196lbs.
So like other friends and family members around me. While Christmas passes, I am determined to keep up that "Tis' the season" attitude. Though, as the holiday season is passing, I have found myself stepping into another.
Tis' this season to join Weight Watchers.
Yes that's right folks. Weight Watchers. Despite all my protestations in earlier blogs (all 3 of them) that I need not set foot in a meeting, I joined up. And last Monday night, with 30 other people, embarked on that cattle-drive known as Momentum. Gotta love marketing companies and their fancy slogans.
Momentum. I've had it this week. I've counted and tracked and made "better" decisions. Discussed point options with my partner and written down point(s)-per-serving size portions in her recipe books. I've exercised at 5:45am (Preface: I never get up before 7am if I don't have to), chosen to walk through unshoveled snowstorm-wracked streets to my fiancee's birthday brunch (where I ordered a veggie omelet- that I extracted a lot of cheese from, demanded no toast, then barely touched the homefries), and been excited about shoveling my driveway post-brunch.
And now I'm scared.
Scared that tomorrow the scale will fail me. That I'll fail myself. That the momentum of this week won't translate into weight loss.
This is why I didn't want to sign-up for a meeting. Because if I walk in there and it's not on the scale, I've failed. Done something wrong. And I'm accountable. To the scale. To the person weighing me in. To the leader. To every other first week person I met last Monday. To the room full of WWers trying to lose weight with Momentum.
So tomorrow, I have to promise to eat as usual. I know starving doesn't help anyone. But, I know I'll want to close my eyes when I step on that scale. At 7pm, cross your fingers and hope that it doesn't berate me with bad numbers- I've been enjoying this momentum.
So like other friends and family members around me. While Christmas passes, I am determined to keep up that "Tis' the season" attitude. Though, as the holiday season is passing, I have found myself stepping into another.
Tis' this season to join Weight Watchers.
Yes that's right folks. Weight Watchers. Despite all my protestations in earlier blogs (all 3 of them) that I need not set foot in a meeting, I joined up. And last Monday night, with 30 other people, embarked on that cattle-drive known as Momentum. Gotta love marketing companies and their fancy slogans.
Momentum. I've had it this week. I've counted and tracked and made "better" decisions. Discussed point options with my partner and written down point(s)-per-serving size portions in her recipe books. I've exercised at 5:45am (Preface: I never get up before 7am if I don't have to), chosen to walk through unshoveled snowstorm-wracked streets to my fiancee's birthday brunch (where I ordered a veggie omelet- that I extracted a lot of cheese from, demanded no toast, then barely touched the homefries), and been excited about shoveling my driveway post-brunch.
And now I'm scared.
Scared that tomorrow the scale will fail me. That I'll fail myself. That the momentum of this week won't translate into weight loss.
This is why I didn't want to sign-up for a meeting. Because if I walk in there and it's not on the scale, I've failed. Done something wrong. And I'm accountable. To the scale. To the person weighing me in. To the leader. To every other first week person I met last Monday. To the room full of WWers trying to lose weight with Momentum.
So tomorrow, I have to promise to eat as usual. I know starving doesn't help anyone. But, I know I'll want to close my eyes when I step on that scale. At 7pm, cross your fingers and hope that it doesn't berate me with bad numbers- I've been enjoying this momentum.
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